Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
