I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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