I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You have to summon your inner elephant
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
