I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My dick has a subreddit
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
