Will you blow on my dice?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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