Can i not drive my cunt home
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
