the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
