one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
