I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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