My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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