Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
