Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I can't turn off my feet"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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