How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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