Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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