i just wanna soil my oats bro
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize