i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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