I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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