Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
