Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
