omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
