How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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