just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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