I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We are all done wearing pants today
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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