What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
