It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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