I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
