im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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