i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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