Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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