belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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