I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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