Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
