you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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