Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
