I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
