wakey wakey hands off snakey
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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