I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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