Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
