I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
