I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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