hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
