If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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