My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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