happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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