Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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