i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
dude. I can hear the air.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
