Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize