if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
