Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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