I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
