I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
