What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It's rum buckets o'clock
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
