The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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