Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
