Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So much Jack, so little girl.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
