I think im going to throw up on grandma
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
