Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
