Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
