Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
