All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
