Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
