There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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