i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
