I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
