Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
